Reflection...

As some of you know, I came to really understand the saving grace at a very late stage of my life... So I was not the typical sheltered Korean Christian... So I just get flabbergasted at some of the innocence of those who grew up as one. I have been exposed to some ungodly things in my life and recognize them right away. Yeah, sin really gets a hold me sometimes... But when I speak to some brothers and sisters that are so innocent, I feel so guilty. Also, it scares me. Here is the reason why I am so deathly afraid of having children (especially daughters)... When I get married, obviously I want to teach my children to be Christians. And seeing some of the kids at church, I realize that though some of the kids might have some idea about this world, many, I mean many will be naive about the evil that dwells in man. And there will be a day when these children grow up to be men and women and their innocence will be nothing but a nostalgic thought. Or some kids will be like how I was and am. Just dwelling in sin and exposed to certain ungodliness that will make them so hardened about life... Neither is good. But we who are believers are all the same... Always making excuses. I came to a conclusion. Que Sera Sera...

Yesterday, I really realized the importance of balance. So many of us compromise everything though we know the TRUTH. At bible study last night, we were reading the verse and something struck me... This verse....
2 Timothy 3:5
having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.

This was very intersting... Having a form of godliness but denying it's power... That is me I thought. That is me having doubts about His sovereignty. But that is all of us. That is us making excuses for being the dumb shmucks that we are. Always dancing around da grace and clowning in front of God and his truth. I was deeply blessed last night and truly convicted... Being afraid of people who are just like me. My kids who will be just as sinful... Those goody to shoe kids who are just as sinful as anyone... Just saved under His Grace.

I don't want to make up my own rules and ignore God's warnings...

I do not want my own will to be going over God's plan and His will...

But at times it will...

Thank God..... He is the most high and merciful God...

His Grace covers up my sins...

What jackasses we are. Always... I mean always, compromising His truth.

No Trip for da wicked

I was thinking about going on a trip to somewhere before I started working... Maybe Europe. But it looks like I might be starting earlier than I thought. I might be starting sometime in Feb. Yup... There goes my plans... Well Its kinda cute, but also eerie... When I told my plans for a Eurotrip to some one (who shall remain nameless), She got upset... This person's reaction was, "I have to work and you get to play?" Oh the jealosy... But when she found out I might be working sooner,

she was all smiles.

Why this person can't be happy for me on my time off is just staright up bad shimppo.
I would be happy for her...


I should have given her one of these...

Nah... She just wanted to come with me...

I would hate to make her sad...

I took this pictrure when she was yawning. But there is somesadness to it. I love my camera.

Silly Perceptions

So today I go into my new job to just observe for half of a day. Going in at 2 o'clock. The funny thing that I did not realize is that I will be wearing a suit. Wearing a suit everyday starting in the near future. It is kinda funny but I feel good when I wear a suit. I feel this strange confidence comes over me when I wear da suit. I realize that I have to buy some work suits soon. Looks like I will be visiting Nordstrom racks pretty soon.

I feel like a different person in a suit. Isn't that strange?

I guess I am just fooling myself..

It is all about the perception of yourself I suppose.

Talking about perception, Kimmay and I took pictures of each other taking pictures each other and this is how it came out.

This is kimmay's picture of me taking a picture of her.


This is my picture of kimmay taking a picture me.


She used flash and I didn't. It just happened simultaneously. We took the picture at the same time.

I wonder how different the perception of myself is between me and someone else? Or better yet me with a suit vs. not...

When the rain comes...

I have not seen so much rain in Southern California. Usually when the rain comes I really enjoy it. But man this is ridiculous. Right now though, I see nothing but the blue sky. Pretty nice finally. I've been so tired lately and sick.

The other day I came upon this thought. What I've noticed through out my life is that many Christian women end up marrying Non-Christian men. Perhaps it is a calling, or perhaps its their will... I don't really care to discuss that. Cause I am not a woman, and I can't think like one. What I can do is think from a man's point of view... I can talk about Christian men. Cause I am one and so is many of my friends...

First off, I don't think any Christian women date Non-Christian Men on purpose (although nothing surprises me these days). But I constantly hear this from Christian women that date necking. "They are SO Good to me". Or "No one from Church asks me out". Which Brings me to this conclusion. We (Christian Men) are either bastards or cowards. Which isn't necessarily always da case... But if that is da case.... Oh boy.

Here is something that might sound too idealistic in this non-idealistic reality driven world. I was taught that we have natural order of things. And the natural order says that men are made to lead the women... Just for our own good. Now I don't question for a fact that there are many situations that Christian women have prayed for their Non-Christian husbands and eventually God granted these women, their prayers... But it certainly ain't gonna be easy. But with God, all things are possible.

Christian Men need to lead and stop with this unrealistic standards they put on women. Also, Christian women need to understand the role of submission, not to just men and there stupidity, but to God and His will. May be His will is a calling for them to pray for these NCM...

Who is being influenced? And who is being led?

And do you want to be with a man, who can't lead you spiritually? Whether they are Christians or not?

Here is the word of God.
14Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
15And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
16And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
17Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.
18And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.
2 Corinthians 6:14-18

If you still think that there none that can lead, what about these Christian hunks!

Traumatic Experience...



I had an experience this weekend, that I will probably think about for a long time...

I almost watched my mother die in front of me on Saturday.

We were eating and she started to look strange. Her face turned white and I heard her gasping for air....

I got up and started to give her the heimlich maneuver... Than I hit her back and she finally started breathing. By that time, my heart was beating like a horse and I had buckets of cold sweat... I was in shock. I lost my appetite. As we were going home, I was just blank. Rest of the day, I was just thinking about the event. What if my mother had died in front of me... I think this was the most vulnerable I've ever seen my mother. Even now I can close my eyes and think and hear her gasping for air. For that split second I thought that she was going to die... She told me that she felt a cough coming up and she did not want to cough with food in her mouth. She tried to hold it and that is when the whole ordeal happened.

Made me realize couple of things...
1. Life is so fragile... It can be taken away at any given minute.
2. I love my mother... I don't think I was ever so panicked in mylife.
3. I don't ever want to see that again... On anyone, especially my mother.
4. Its important to just spit out your food instead of trying to be polite.
5. Love God with all your heart.