So last time I blogged I was 3 years into the marriage and no child... Now I am a proud dad of Desmond Lee. A real lovable handsome child that Lisa and I do not deserve.
He is 3 years old and needless to say he is the joy of my life. Lisa and I have gone through so much last 3 years. Joy, pain and everything in between. Its not easy raising a child.
So now that I am in middle of my late 30s, I can truly say that I am exactly where I need to be. I had no idea what 30s were going to bring, but it has been a ride.
I have a "real" marriage with my wife and she is still the same fire cracker that I married so happily over 6 years ago. Recently I realized that our public display of affection (our fights....) might make people feel uncomfortable. Oh yeah we fight in public at times. Some people that might not know us very well might think that our marriage is crazy but honestly speaking, it ain't anything different than any other couples. We just choose to show our sinful nature more freely. hahaha,
I've been doing some soul searching lately. I have a new job and it forced me to do some thinking about sovereignty of God. What does my new job have to do with sovereignty of God you ask? EVERYTHING. I came to realize that I only think about these types of things when I feel vulnerable. I was going through a manic mannerism at my old work and I had to change. What is manic mannerism you ask? I was deeply and almost crazily going through the the motion at work and found no meaning nor joy of life and I jumped ship. So back to sovereignty of God. I was so eager to do well at my new job for the glory of being successful. I was going to be successful at my new job and show the idiotic people of my last job what they lost. Because they were just awful. But the fact of the matter was the ramp up period was taking so long that I was now wondering, "Did I make the right move?" No matter what I was doing, it was not working.... So I fell into this deep vulnerable place in my life. So of course I went running to God. Yes its true. I am a fickle minded fool and I was reaching out to God yet again in the time of need. How typical. But I write this not to be so hard on myself, but to share that God is great. Every time I act like a jackass, God is there to humble me. He is a sovereign God and he love me too much to just let me be my sinful self without reminding me of my short comings.
Some of the things I realized lately is that I am as much of a sinner as I have always been. God truly has shown me grace. I have not been the husband that I need to be or a father that I could be. I truly struggle with selfishness. But God has placed my wife and my child in my life to show me that. I know that I was so lucky to find my new opportunity at my new job. But because of the fact I got a new position and I have the opportunity be successful, I kind let go out of control in my mind. So what was my lesson? I can do nothing by myself. My greatest achievement in my life is purely the fact that God chose me. I have no great achievement without God.
What can I say. I am blessed man. I have a wonderful and spicy wife and a son that I cannot imagine being better. I have God that humbles me when I need to be humbled. I am loved.