Aging Passionately

This is great French conductor Georges Prêtre.  He is conducting intemezzo of Mascagni's famous Opera Cavalleria Rusticana.  Just look at his passion and love for his art.....


37?  Are you kidding me?  Well its true.  I feel great.  But I am getting older.  I am at a age now where most of the professional athletes have already retired from their sport. I have 3 main wishes this year. 

1.  I hope this year I get closer to the Lord.
2.  I hope that I am a better husband to Lisa and a better father to Desmond.
3.  I hope that I have passion on all things that I do and do it to the fullest.

I joke about being old but fact of the matter is that I am not that old.  There are still professional athletes my age and even older.  Though I am not the spring chicken that I was, I am still capable of doing many many things.  But aging is inevitable.  When asked about aging, an aging super model Paulina Porizkova replied that aging was a privilege.  Which was a great wisdom that I did not expect to hear from a former super model.  But truly aging is a privilege.  As I age, I hope I have passion and love for all things that I do.  Like the great Georges Prêtre.  Click on the video.  Its somethin' else.

Grace of THE father.

My favorite opera is Verdi's La Traviata.  My favorite song from the opera is "di Provenza il mar il suol" I love this performance of this song my Sherill Milnes.  This song is basically an old father (Germont) urging his son to come home to the beautiful Provence by the sea where he grew up.  To leave his crazy life he made for himself and return to his family who are waiting for him....   But Alfredo does not return and instead goes on to some place he shouldn't.  Just like all the great operas, La Traviata ends tragically....  Alfredo's lover tragically dies and even old Germont is crying out "my daughter!" as both father and son are torn to pieces in sadness.  I will get back to this shortly.

Desmond Started his new preschool Jesus Hand Montessori school.  It didnt work out for Des at CPC preschool because...  Well it just didn't.  But it was a great thing that it didnt workout.  Because now he will be with more hands on teaching and CPC couldn't handle him at this time.   Everyday Desmond gets bigger and bigger, and little by little he is becoming little bit more defiant.  he must have his mother's personality...  haha.  Though we loved the fact that Desmond was at CPC, God truly had a better school for him and I remain thankful as ever. 

So now that I have a long commute to work, it gives me an hour in the morning to think about great deal of things and also listen to music for a longer period of time.  I've been listening to a lot of classical music which helps me to relax the mind before I head into work.  I've been working hard and trying to make the best of the opportunities that I have been dealt.  Of course, I just want things to happen easily.  But it ain't easy.  God forces me to rely on Him.  Which is great but really difficult at the same time.  Good news for me is that I am starting to understand my new job and I am really appreciating it.

One of main themes of my thoughts these days is my defiance and just complete lack of trust in God.  I havent really shared about this to anyone.  Ever since started my new job, I've had mini panic attacks.  Everytime I panic I also know that I am not trusting that God will take care of me.  So knowing this I felt like God is tugging at me to rest upon Him.  But how can my feeble mind accept such comfort?  God is telling me to comeback to Provence by the sea.  Where He wants to give me peace in Him.  But I am usually like Alfredo in La Traviata.  I defy His calling and get sucked into my own myopic selfish life.  In my theological side of  mind, I don't want to be the way I am.  In fact its illogical. 

Of course I know that my life will not turn out to be a tragic opera.  How can it?  God watches over me.  No matter what happens, in the end I will win. So why do I have such a hard time with this truth?  Why do I always fall into this weak sauce behavior of wanting worldly comfort instead of comfort in God?  God is so gracious to me and yet I ALWAYS fall short of His wonderful grace.  I should just be grateful that I am in His grace.  Which I am, but oh my humainty...  My sinful desires of comfort disable me.  

Sometime God's grace is truly too wonderful for me to even accept let alone understand.  But I am truly thankful for it. Even if I cant understand why He chose to show me grace.  God is constantly wanting to take me to "Provence il Mar il suol".  When will I just follow Him there instead of being so damn defiant???? 


Sanctification is a LOOOOOOOOOOONG process.  Some of us need God to intervene sooner than later.