Another Epiphany
On my way home yesterday, I got a phone call from P. Jin. He cancelled our meeting. He said something came up. I had everything planned. I was to meet P. Jin then another guy from up north named Peniel. He and I was to go over my possible finacial planing thing. But since P. Jin cancelled and I was gonna have this 2 1/2 hours to kill, I decided to stop by McClain's Coffee shop. I have not been there for years. It was the same with subtle differences. For instance, there are these lesbians that I knew from years ago. But one paticular girl was a bi-sexual. She had interst both in guys and girls. When I knew this girl, she had blond hair and she looked feminine. But now.... She had a butch hair cut and it looked like life has been hard on her. She had look of tiredness and she looked like she did not care. When I knew her she was a sweet heart. It is so sad watching these kids waisting their lives away thinking that they live this Bohemian's life. She says that she wants to be a singer. She wants to be like Annie DiFranco. What is up with Lebians and Annie DiFranco? Yes as I stopped by, their were some people that were glad to see me. Like the girl who works at the cash register. She greeted me with a huge smile asking where I've been. This girl was another sad story from what I remember. She had a child as a teenager. Now the baby is 4 years old. But this girl was always really nice to me in her own little way. I like talking to her cause she doesn't put up a front. She doesn't have to. She radiates cool, but there is sadness in her eyes. I remember now the days of not having a job. Hangin' out at different places. Looking for cool spots. But like all things, it came to an end. It would be so not fun hanigin' with these people and hearing their menial problems. Cause they did not see that they had BIG problems in their lives. They were concerned with the menial ones. You know, it's strange. I think many people don't like to deal with their problems or short comings. They just want to talk about happy, happy, joy, joy stuff. We are so prideful.
Starting with myself, we all think that we are the shiznit. Even the humblest of the humble think that they are best deep down inside. It's like when I was a child. I was certain that I was the MOST special child. Sometimes I would go as far as to think strange things like, I was the main character of this world and everyone else was the supporting cast. Well I continued to feel this way till God humbled me. Yeah it still comes up all the time. But in this transitional period of my life, I feel like God has worked in me to change me. I am now dealing with different struggles. But the old ones continue to come out. Unfortunately, we are not perfect and we always put emphasis on ourselves. I was always the person who criticized the church, looking at the flaws of the people there. What I am begining to appreciate is the way God points out the flaws through our actions. I am begining to understand and differentiate the real church struggle from obvious people problems. I am understanding that instead of looking to God, I was looking at people's imperfections. How easy it is to point out other's shotcomings and struggles of everyday living. But it is so hard to love them for that. I am begining to understand that our problems are to be shared among other people at church, so we can improve our lives for the Lord. I am seeing now, how I was the finger pointer when the finger pointing should have included myself. And finally, I am deeply appreciating the and in awe of God who shows me all these things. Christian bashing is easy cause non of us live up to the standards that God put there for us. Cause we are ultimately down right sinners. But to stand up everytime after we fall..... That is a true testimoy of a Christian. Standing up through our mistakes or helping those who fell to stand up again through God is the real deal Christian living. Being at McClain's yesterday, made me realize that everyone has a comfort zone and people for support. Like those lesbians who rely on each other for their cause. Just like anyone. But I am glad that I have my God, family, and friends on when I fall or struggle. Ultimately I am glad and so grateful that someone else paid the price for my sin. Oh how easily we forget.......
