What can I say…. What I am about to blog is probably the hardest blog I have ever written. It goes way back to when I was just a youngster in college. My friend Julia brought her friend to school. This friend of hers was a beautiful young thing and I must say, I was completely swept up by her. I developed this HUGE crush on her. I felt like I was in Junior High school. Apparently this person and I go way back to when we were kids. I went to Big Bear with her when we were kids. I had no idea. I found out when I was looking at her album and ther I was. I thought "this is destiny!" So after getting to know her better, we became friends. I wanted our relationship to be so much more than friends…. But unfortunately she did not see me that way. Isn’t it funny that you always want what you can’t have? I really acted out of my character for this woman.
I was really good friends with Julia and that made me and the girl better friends. But unfortunately God took away Julia from this world in her sleep. That was a devastating moment of my life. I was such good friends with Julia that I did not know how to react. But some of us who were close friends with Julia really got close together and relied on each other for support. This is when I really got closer to the girl.
When I revealed to her how I felt, she let me down easy. I fell into a trap after that. I tried everything to please her. But nothing worked. So I decided “forget it” and we will just be friends. Actually it was good. I liked being her friend. I also took a lot of crap from her. But still I did everything in my power to make her happy. But here is the kicker. She started seeing this guy and her relationship with her boyfriend started getting much more serious. Since I was sure that I was over her, I was happy for her. He really is a nice guy so I was pleased……
Couple of weeks ago I get a phone call from the boyfriend and he invited me to the girl’s birthday party. I said “I will be there”. He insisted that I have to be there. He told me that he was going to propose to her. I was shocked at first. But also happy that he really wanted me there. But this past week I was depressed all week. I was trying to prepare myself for this crazy thing that was to happen. As some of you know, I was not myself all week.
On Saturday after Joe Lim’s wedding, I went to a place called Brass Monkey. It was a Karaoke Bar. It was infested with people and everyone was having a good time except me. I was scared to see what was going to happen. Her boyfriend came in with an Elvis costume and sang “I can’t help falling in love with you”. It was really great actually. After he sang the song and sang happy birthday, he got on his knees and proposed to her. She was in cloud 9. I have never seen her that happy. Everyone was screaming in joy. She said YES….. I realized at that moment that nothing that I ever did or ever could do can make her that happy…… I was caught up in that moment and acted as if I was happy for them. I genuinely was happy for them. But actually I was overwhelmed by my emotion. I just went out to smoke. It was probably the most bitter cigarette I ever had. As I smoked away slowly, I realized that it was another chapter that was closed in my life. I thought to myself “I would have done anything for her…” But it was not enough. As I salked in misery, I came to a realization that I was being stupid. But it was really hard for me to accept that this girl was the one that got away. I am not sure how long this will affect me.
But today is a new day and a new week. I thank God for bringing the girl a guy that can make her so much happier than me. I could not get the job done... Oh well. So I go on finally, to the next advanture. Whoever and whereever my next interst is, I will not allow you to get away from me.....
Also, I would like to thank everyone who was there for me when I needed them. You know who you are. You guys rock. You guys made me feel special.